letting it all out .

A lot has been going through my head. I'm not happy with myself, but at the same time, i still feel relieved. So many thoughts. & so much confusion. I broke up with my boyfriend recently. I didn't want to do it. I really didn't. but I felt I had to; for the both of us. I could see we were both miserable. There were so many things I wanted to say so bad. But... I was crying too much to say anything. I didn't know what to do...I just walked away. I felt so glad that all my friends were there to hold me & reassure me everything was okay. Because honestly, I was scared out of my mind. I kind of felt I made the right choice. He didn't seem to care. & that just hurt me like crap. I know it sounds selfish but it was how I felt. Just because I was the one to end it this time, didn't mean I loved him any less. & the fact that he didn't care stung. I hope things end up okay between the both of us because I do love him; with all my heart. & I can't imagine the rest of my life without him. I just don't think that is the role he plays in my life. It's kind of hard for me to get over him right now but I think I'm doing a good job. & I hope he is too. Don't get me wrong. He's a great guy. & I really do wish him all the happiness in the world. I just don't think I'm the one that can give it to him. Right now, I just want to move on with my life & not dwell on the past. I'm not going to keep myself from meeting new guys just because I can't get over the last. I'll miss him. & I'm gonna move on. If he & I are meant to be, our roads will cross again. But for now, I'm just gonna take what life throws at me. I'm going to continue to live happily. & most importantly, I'm going to smile. & I want him to smile too. Because he's important to me. & I hope he knows that. We'll always be friends no matter what. & as far as boyfriends go, not looking, but not being closed minded. Keeping myself available. I don't like narrowing my options.